Our battle with PTSD

Here is an awesome link for anyone who may read this blog. If you think you might have PTSD, if you think you might know someone who has it, or if you'd like to read up on what PTSD even is, please read the following helpful info.


http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/posttraumaticstressdisorder/posttraumaticstressdisorder.aspx

Here's a little bit about my own battle with PTSD.

After my husband passed away in April of 2006,...I suffered PTSD for about 2 years. I don't know why it lasted so long, but I was able to overcome it without medicaion, thank goodness. I preobably should have been on some...but no medical insurance made that difficult. If I would have had insurance, I probably would have accepted all the help that I would have had access to. All that my children and I did to help with our PTSD, was go to counseling. We've continued counseling until about Feb. 2009. We're doing really,really well right now and we've decided to put counseling on hold until we feel we need it again. Yay us!! What a journey.

Because my husband had a grand mal seizure IN our bed, which woke me up, I wasn't able to sleep in any bed under my roof for 1 year. My kids and I slept in the living room on couches, sleeping bags or on an air mattress. This was EVEN after I changed beds and moved into a new house. That's how bad my PTSD was. I stayed awake until about 5am, and then I could sleep a few hours in the morning after the kids went to school, before I had to be to work at 11am each day. That was the most sleep deprived year I have EVER experienced in my 29 years thus far. I would have nightmares, and the sound of an ambulance would just set me off. Any dreams that I would have about my husband or the reliving of my experience with him that awful morning...would put me in a funk for a few days to a week, at least. It would just re-open that wound that I was trying to desperately to heal. Watching someone seize on television, would just bring those raw emotions to the surface all over again. Still to this day...I can't watch someone have a seizure on TV without covering my eyes, and crying.

Having to give CPR to my own spouse...and pray, out loud that he would still be kept alive until the paramedics arrived....(which took 15 min. ).....was the most traumatic part for me and for my youngest child...who witnessed it all. I can't even imagine what was going through Ally's head that morning...just pure terror. THAT makes me want to cry, just thinking about her that morning. After the paramedics left, I found her in her bedroom crouched behind her bedroom door...in a ball...crying. She and I both suffered from PTSD together...and we both overcame it, together. Bailey wasn't awake for the traumatic parts, she slept thru it all. She did go to the hospital to say goodbye to her father, and her grieving was far worse than mine and Ally's. Bailey wouldn't speak of her father for probably 2 years. At the 2 year mark, she finally would open up about him in counseling, which was such a relief.

Our 3 year mark for losing Johnny is coming up next month, in April. Looking back at some of my journal entries from my 1st year without him, lets me know that today, I've overcome so much. I'm finally able to sleep in my bed, and my children still struggle to sleep alone in their rooms, but they manage pretty well compared to where they were a few years back. I still have some sleepless nights, but it's about 85% better.

I pray that any of you that may struggle with PTSD or depression, that you'll get the help that you need, and sooner than later.

Love, Julie